Trip Debtist

A day of dental romance. Partially written on benzos. Mostly actually happened.

Snowing. Too warm to accumulate. 

I said to the Uber driver, “you can take your time, we’re going to the dentist.”

As I got out, the Uber driver, Melissa, said “sorry and good luck.”

This is my fourth visit in 7 months.

I walked in expecting to see cute Jamie.

I said to not cute Jaime, “Where’s Jamie?”

“She’s not here anymore.” 

“I only came to see Jamie.”

The women laughed. It wasn't a joke.

“I’ll be sure to tell her that.”

“Yes please do.”

It smells like the devil.

I pull my shirt over my nose and do some shit on my phone.

I'm ushered through a door. I stand by the dental chair. I do not sit. 

I take in the space.

Where’s the nerd. He’s late to drill my teeth.

The assistant attempts small talk. 

She’s masked and still pretty. A nice voice is half the allure.

“Did you do anything fun today?”  

“I took a bunch of Ativan.”

She laughs. I can almost see her smile.

I ask her “What’s your name again?”

“Tasja like tay-jah”

A white girl with a black name?

“Is that Russian?”

“Yeah it comes from Fantasia.”

“Fantasia without the fan. I like two syllable names. No one understands Chris over the phone. And there’s too many Chris’s. The purpose of a name is to identify. Someone says Chris and four heads turn.”

“To make it funnier my boyfriends name is Chris.”

“I don’t suppose I’m your boyfriend.”  

Dr. Dentist comes in. 

“Ok Chris let’s get you numb.” 

He rubs a numbing jelly on my gums so I don't feel the needle as badly. It’s a mind game.

Tasja asks “Are you doing anything fun after this?” 

I said “I’m working. What’re you doing after this?”

“You’re my last patient. I have no plans. I usually go to the gym after work.”

“Workout after work? I work out in the morning.” 

She said “I would have to get up at 4:30 to get to the gym”

I said “I roll out of bed and start crankin right there in my room.”

“I’d love to have a home gym.” 

“I run and do push-ups and free weights. Running is pure suffering it’s the best.” 

She said “Yeah I’m not a runner. I do the stairs machine.” 

“Get your heart rate up above 100, not huffing and puffing, and do that for two hours.” I instructed her.

I’m the doctor now. 

“Two hours?!” 

“That's what you need for the cardio benefits.”

I’m not an MD, MD’s don’t prescribe cardio, MD stands for More Drugs.

My nerves are unwell and I ask Tasja, “Have you had cavities filled?”

“Actually I never have but I can imagine.”

“How did you avoid cavities?”

“I’m very anal about brushing.”

“I think it’s not flossing that got me.”

“I actually don’t floss..”

Dr. Dentist returned to the torture chamber. 

I said “Doc Tasja doesn’t have a single filling.” 

“She’s good about brushing and flossing”

“She doesn’t floss.”

Silence.

“I snitched.”

“Ok let’s get you numb.” The chair lowers me into hell.

The needle comes into play. All planning is reversed to no planning.

It’s full body terror on a primordial level.

The needle is in my mouth for a long time. The cold metal against my tongue. No where for my tongue to hide.

Tasja notes I am pale. I’ve blacked out at this part.

Tasja says “is there anything I can do to help you?”

Yes, there is.

Take off your mask. Take off your gloves. Look into my eyes and hold my hand. Fingers interlocked.

Her subtle smiles shows she feels my pain. She overtakes my nerves. She sits and we are eye level. Her eyes are blue. The blue that is more than blue. We hold eye contact, fingers interlocked.

Needle in my mouth, I flinch and she gives me a gentle squeeze.

My hands are cold and sweaty. Hers are warm and soft. Soon my hands are hers and the pain is but a nuisance. Then it’s gone. 

I should have visualized that.

My body goes cold, wet with sweat. The blood rushes out of my brain. I am tense and breathing ossified. Fading toward black. 

Once before, I went lights out and hit the deck. I went to a different dimension. 

Different dimensions are indescribable, obviously, but I'll say it was like a love space. 

When I woke up to “Call 911!” and, ironically, I wanted to go back. I felt really good. Then my body shook for a while.

I don’t want to go there today. I’ll go back when God takes me back. Next time I leave I’m not coming back.

Dr. Dentist comes back in the room and says in a calm and nearly seductive voice, “Hey there, are you feeling numbness yet?”

“Yes.”

“Where is it numb?”

“In my tongue.”

“In the lip too?”

“No”

“OK we’ll wait longer and if it’s not numb we’ll do more novacane.”

“There will not be any more novacane.”

My eyes are fixed on Dr. Dentist. I know Tasja likes how I talk to her boss. 

He laughs out of necessity. “Ok”

Would have been better if he said “Thanks for coming in today, now get the fuck out.”

This guy is about to drill my teeth. 

Should’ve filled it with dirt.

I close my eyes. I hear the drill turn on.

I turn the music up. It doesn’t help.

I try to change the song but I can’t find the button.

I raise my phone. A latex glove is mostly blocking my phone wallpaper, which is a topless woman on her back. 

Tasja is grinning under her mask, probably.

The ativan takes over. The doc said take two, so I took three.

I found the next song button.

It’s Jimmy Hendrix Voodoo Child

When your stuck in a chair with masked strangers putting drills in your mouth, listen to Jimi Hendrix. Full volume. Voodoo child. 

Thank me later. Actually, don't. Don't remind me of the dentist.

Drill in my mouth, I was looking at Tasja. I was looking at her neck and fantasizing. What she probably said was “you’re doing great... we’re almost done" but what I heard was “your cock is hard... we’re gonna come”

This is like a war but you can’t move. 

Kinda like bdsm, in the mouth, and nobody nuts til they go home? 

The sense of ourself is our sensory inputs, what is us is what we can move. 

I’m high

There was a metal screw in my pocket. Have you ever squeezed a screw? I squeezed and pinched and rolled it in my hand, between my fingers. I was in control. 

I clenched that screw. If I jabbed it into Dr. Dentist's temple, it wouldn’t be enough, he would keep going. He would drill steadily with a screw protruding from his temple.

The dentist fixed two teeth and left. I asked Tayja, “where’d he go?”

The other dentist is out so he’s helping out her patients too.

The Dentist returned to the torture chamber.  

Let’s polish those, and see how we did 

His voice indicates he likes this part.  

I like cutting customer’s boards then checking if it's the exact length intended. The art of precision and immediate feedback on performance. 

Idk wtf they are doing. 

Toward the end I’m bored enough to watch them handle their mouth machines. 

The tools alone cost more than the operation. I guess 1500 is a good deal. The Home Depot dental plan for part-time lumber associates covers 80%. I’m quitting next week.

The whirring and buzzing ceases and it’s over.

“Good job today.”

“Thank you sir. You’re an artist.”

Tasja says “don’t forget to call your Uber.” I point and say thank you.  

I just keep writing, waiting for Craig the Uber… 

Craig is here. He has been for 10 minutes. 

I’m high. 

Craig’s car feels like home. Thanks Craig 

I like Tasja. She had good manners.

I sip from my hydro flask 

Half the rim is not there

I feel calm I feel present 

The here now after the storm 

We fought a 90 min war with me on my back. A war against my teeth. Now my face is numb and I’m in Craig’s Kia. Feels like the exact place I’m supposed to be. In a car. Like walking down your driveway

I get out and get mail from the box under the stairs. It’s my hawaiin pen pal. I bash my head on the stairs ouch. I’m writing in the snow now

It accumulated.  

The stairs are slippery il slip but no I didn’t I made it to the door it’s unlocked thank god ok bye

My house is boring compared to the dentist. I want to go back. 

I’m scarfing cold cuts and cheese from a hot pan 

My mouth is numb I can’t tell what’s in there or how much 

I think I swallowed a tooth

Everything tastes the same but half power, because half my tongue is numb.

I eat double portion to get the full flavor benefits.

What got me thru without pulling out our blacking out? Which breath saved the day? Which mantra? Which mg of Ativan?

Which raging thoughts about murdering these dental BBBBBBB?

"I’m gonn fuckin murder you" got me through

I’m never going back. He probably fucked it up and I’ll be back soon.

He is an artist and a gentleman.

Epilogue

I went back three weeks later so he could fix an error. So he could run a file between two fillings because they were touching.