Horseback Uber

Tried chasing women, ended up on a horse with my Uber driver

It was November in Medellin, Colombia. I flew there to practice my Spanish. And meet the women. The South American dating market is incredible (opposite of America). 

During the day I was just chilling like, hmm what do I do? So I opened Google Maps and found a well reviewed park. Uber in Medellin is a little less professional than America. The first ride of the day went as you would expect. I got to the park, hiked a hill and snapped pictures.

The night before, I met a cute expat named Bobbie. She told me she lives in Envigado, a nice town outside Medellin, and I should visit that area. I summoned my second Uber to visit Envigado.

I asked the driver if he could show me around Envigado and “puedo pagar en efectivo” 

I can pay cash.

Julian, the Uber driver, opened the Uber app and ended the official ride. 

We drove around Envigado and parked at the town square. It was Sunday. The Catholic church was overflowing. I took a photo, trying to hide my tourist idiocy.

Can you spot the tourist?

Me and driver Julian

Bobbie texted me she was on her way to the hardware store and couldn’t hang out.

As we drove, my subconscious looked for hardware stores. All hope was lost.

“Where to?” Julian asked.

La selva.

The jungle. 

We drove up the slope toward the jungle mountains, on a one lane road that served as a two way road. 

Cars rolled around the corners head on. 

We were in a stick-shift French made car. 

We kept climbing.

The slope mellowed. There was a wide river flowing through the road.

I said “oh dang, the end of the road. El fin.” 

Julian laughed. He put the car in gear drove into the river.

Pics or it didn’t happen

The river crossing was a success. 

We rolled up alongside two horses. A guy in a latino cowboy hat greeted me “Hola caballero.” Cowboy. A sign of respect. Colombians are welcoming of gringo tourists.

He suggested I ride his horse.

Feeling ballsy, I said cuantos? How much?

“Dos personas?” the horseman said.

I looked at Julian. 

Si. 

“Diez dólares.” 

10 bucks? Ok. 

Julian and I climbed onto the horses. 

I thought the man would be on a horse too and we would follow him. But he only had two horses. One for me and one for my Uber driver. 

He brought us to a gated trail that led into the jungle. 

He opened the gate and the horses brought us through.

He closed the gate and waved “Adios.” To God.

The horses marched us into the jungle. I tried my best to befriend my horse. The horses started running. Galloping or trotting? I’m not a seasoned rider.

We’re going.