Homeless 2
On love, addiction, and community
Preface: I met a homeless kid on the street and talked with him for half an hour. He didn’t have a phone, wallet, ID, or even a blanket. He told me he’d been doing crystal meth and heroin. I invited him to come to church on Sunday. Afterward, I went to my co-working space where someone suggested I help him more.
So I went back to find him.
Maddie and Jim
The Tesla is on Autopilot while my eyes scan the sidewalks for Luke. I see a man asking for money with a little girl who is looking at a phone.
I park and walk over.
“Are you playing a game or watching something?” I ask.
“Playing Roblox,” the man says.
“Yeah, playing Roblox,” says the girl.
“Roblox, classic. I hear that’s a popular one. I’ve never played it…. can I give you a couple bucks? Do you guys need something?”
“Yeah, you know there’s help out there, but when you need stuff like cue tips, tissues, cough medicine, there’s no help for stuff like that, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah.”
“Believe me, the last thing I want to do is be out here.”
A guy, wearing a raggedy sweatshirt and jeans, he looks down and out, comes up and hands Jim a wad of one-dollar bills.
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Jim turns to me. “Especially with her, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, a hundred percent man…Are you local?”
“I live at the north end.”
“That’s a pretty nice neighborhood.”
“Where are the cookies. Where are the cookies?!” Maddie says to the phone.
“You know 1269 down that way?” he points.
“Yeah,” I say, actually I do know it because Luke mentioned it.
“Brinn, real heavyset girl, she helped me out a lot. She’s not there anymore. She helped me get my place. Been in there since 2021.”
“Oh hell yeah, three years brother.”
I give him a fist bump.
“I’m Chris, I moved here two years ago.” I give him the few dollars I have in my wallet.
“Where are the cookies?” says Maddie. She shows me the phone. “This is me playing Roblox.”
“What’s your name?”
“Maddie.”
“Hi Maddie, I’m Chris. Nice to meet you. Enjoy Roblox, I gotta get going.”
“I appreciate it, thank you,” Jim says.
“Take care brother.”
I’m driving slow, down Main Street, thinking about how silly I am for doing this, thinking I can make a change here, or do something. I’m about to take the turn to go back to my coworking space when I see Luke walking.
Second conversation with Luke
I turn, park, and walk toward where I saw him.
He’s walking toward me with a cigarette, holding hands with a girl covered in tattoos. She asks to hold hands with me too. I respectfully decline.
Luke says, “We’re gonna go fuck with the Jesus people.”
Two guys are on the corner, evangelizing with a PA system and handing out pamphlets. We walk over to them. A guy on an e-bike wearing a bandana is riding up and down Main street.
A guy comes up to Luke and tattoo-girl, and says, “That’s him. We’re trying to get a group to jump him.”
“That’s him! Yo! Yo!” yells Luke.
“Wait one second, we’ll be right back,” says tattoo girl. The e-bike guy rides by. She runs into the street toward him, “You fuckin pussy! Come on! Make me! Make me!”
Luke and tattoo-girl run down the street after him, and I’m left standing with the Jesus people.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, one of them yells into the PA.
Nick from Wisconsin hands me a pamphlet. I look at it.
“So you guys aren’t selling anything?”
“Nope. It’s all for Him,” says Nick, looking to the sky.
“That’s cool.”
“What do you do?” he says.
“I’m an independent writer.”
“What are you doing out here?”
“Writing about homeless people.”
I see Luke standing outside a cigar shop. I wave, and he walks toward us. A guy in red pants is walking behind him.
“You know the guy in red?” says Nick.
“No.”
“You’re about to,” he says.
Red-pants says, “Can you spare any change?” Then he goes to a parked car and looks through the window.
“What’s up bro,” I say to Luke. “Is that one of your homies?”
“No, that's Crackhead Timmy.”
“Oh,” I say.
“He’s a nice kid.”
“So you know that girl?”
“No, I just met her. Never a dull moment on Main Street.”
“What happened with the guy on the e-bike?”
“He rode by pepper sprayed a biker, man, so we were gonna get a gang of people and jump him. He pepper sprayed a biker, you can’t do that, you know, they protect the city, the guys with the vests.”
“Damn man, well it’s good to see you again.”
“Timmy robbed a beauty salon for crack money.”
This audio recording is difficult to listen to, and even more difficult to transcribe because the evangelist on the PA is louder than all the other voices.
“You coming to St. M - - - this weekend?” I ask Luke.
“I keep thinking about it,” he says.
I sort of blurt out, “Do you want me to let someone know? Can I send a message to someone for you? Would that be helpful?”
“Like someone I know?”
“Yeah. Do you have any phone numbers memorized?”
“Maybe. Maybe. Not now. Maybe on Sunday. Maybe on Sunday.”
“Okay cool, yeah.”
I don’t think he’s coming Sunday.
“Can I take down a phone number? If there’s any way I can help you just let me know.”
“Let me get a piece of paper so I can write down your name, so I don’t forget it.”
“Yeah, sure. Are you on social media?
“No, I’m not.”
“Can I get any message to your friends or family?”
“I want to, but like, I don’t want you to be like, Oh he’s fine, then something terrible happens. You know what I mean? Because you don’t know what’s going to happen out here.”
“Yeah. I’ll just give your parents a status update, let them know where you’re at or something. It would probably help.”
“The thing is, I could have done that already…”
“Yeah, it’s all good, we don’t have to do that. I thought I’d extend the offer to make a call for you.”
“Thank you though, just to have that option available, like to have someone actually offering to reach out for you… St. M- - - 9:30 am Sunday.”
That sin that we love so much brings us death! The PA guy is relentlessly screaming in my ear.
“If you want,” says Luke, “you can take my dad’s phone number. His name’s Larry.”
“603…” I say.
He gives me the number.
“Cool man.”
“Just be like, your son loves you, ya know, you and mom…” his voice cracks. “Just let him know, ya know, stuff like that.”
“Hell yeah. And I’ll give you my phone number. Anyone have a pen?”
We ask around. No one has a pen.
Luke goes to find one while Nick shares his favorite Bible verses with me. Revelations 4 and 22.
I write down my name and phone number for Luke. “Give me a call.”
“Of course. I’ll bring the pen back to the guy. I’m around though.”
“Right on brother.”
“At least I have your information, and you have my dad’s number.”
“I’ll let him know, I got you dawg.”
“Thank you so much.”
He starts to walk away.
“Stay safe out here,” I say.
“I will. Love you bro.”
“See you Sunday.”
“See you Sunday.”
I turn to the evangelists. “Nick, nice to meet you.”
“Chris. Nice to meet you.”
Amen, hallelujah yells PA guy.
I go back to the Tesla and call Luke’s dad.
Hi, this is Larry, leave a message, thank you.
Hey Larry, this is Chris James calling. I'm calling because I'm a resident of M—, New Hampshire, and I was just walking today and a young gentleman, Luke, asked me if I had 50 cents. I just started chatting with him, and we ended up chatting for like 30 plus minutes. He's a cool guy and I said, you know, can I make a phone call for you, to let someone know how you’re doing and everything?
He said yeah. He asked me to give you a call and let him let you know that he loves you. He said, tell him that I love him, and he said he loves mom too.
If you want to give me a call back, I'd be happy to chat. So um, yeah, I hope you have a great rest of your day, and take care, bye. You can give me a call at 123-555-4567. Alright. God bless.”
I sit. I breathe.
That was heavy. I look across the street at the YMCA. I go in and shoot hoops. There are some kids playing ball with me. Get Luke a Y-card. Get him some music to listen to. I guess that’s my job?
You weren’t made to hurt yourself, I know that much. I could have said that.
An hour later, my phone rings.
Conversation with Larry
Hello
Hi this is Larry, returning your call.
Hey Larry
I debated whether to call you back. But thank you for delivering the message.
If you see him again, our message would be, just to let him know that we love him. We care deeply about him. That's not changed a bit.
Awesome, man. Like I was saying, I was just walking from a restaurant back to my car and I ended up having a nice conversation with him. And yeah, he's in M----, just hanging out on Main Street. He said he's waiting for his court date. I don't know how much information you want, but he just requested that I let you know because he doesn't have a phone. I was like, if you need me to let someone know. He said to let you guys know that he loves you. And if I bump into him again, then I'll give him your message.
Okay. Well, I appreciate that. And I'm not going to make you the monkey in the middle. But the other thing he might be benefited to know is if he contacts the XXXXX Police, they can work it out for him to get some money that he has here. I'm sure he could use it. He'd have to talk to them on the arrangements. But just so he knows, if he goes through the police department in Sandown, there's a way to do that. I'll let it go with that for now because I imagine he could use it, but he does have to work through the the police department to do that. Okay, cool. But if you don't see him, then that's okay. But that's just information I'd like him to be aware of.
Yeah, absolutely. He could definitely use it. I invited him to come to church with us. I have a young adult group that would love to just hang out with him because he seems like a good guy. Obviously, I don't know him very well, so I was skeptical. I just wanted to verify that he's of sound mind and stuff.
Well, he has a background with Jesus, and we do too. If he has the opportunity to reconnect with the Lord, that would be an answer to our prayers. Thank you. I wondered about that when you said God bless when you hung up, because we are praying for him. His mother and I are very much in prayer for him. As I say, I don't know how much of all of this you want to know, and I don't even know who you are, so I don't want to put you in the middle. But I did want him to be aware about the money, and I hope he does take you up on an offer to join you at church. That It would be a wonderful thing.
Fantastic. I'm just a local guy who, to be honest, I've been interested in getting to know the situation that people find themselves in when they're just living outside. It was a blessing for me as well to to connect with someone and hear part of their story and invite them to join us Sunday. If he does decide to join us, I'll definitely pass along your message: he can get in touch with the XXXXX Police, they could get him some of his stuff.
They could arrange for him to get access to some money and some clothes and things. It has to go through the PD, but it could be done.
Okay, cool. Sounds good, Larry.
Thank you, Chris. I'll let you go, but I appreciate the call. Thank you. It was nice of you to take the time to call us. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Bye-bye now.
Take care. Bye.
Church
It’s Sunday morning, 9:30. I climb in the Tesla, which has low battery from last night's adventures. I have an extra iPhone, an old one, just in case Luke decides to show up. A charger and headphones too.
I walk up the steps of the church, too tired to render an ego. There’s free breakfast today. And singing. If I was homeless, this is the place to be. Free breakfast and decent people who are yearning to be helpful.
We’re in the pews. My homie who works for Raytheon pulls out his wallet and makes a donation. The priest reads the passage in the Bible that says God is love.
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”
1 John 4:16
How does that map to my conception of reality? In what way is that true?
For me, god is what there is, and a good answer to What is love, is VIEW—Vulnerability, impartiality, empathy, and wonder. Is, what there is, vulnerable, impartial, empathetic, and wonderous?
I stare at a single candle and breathe 100 breaths while the choir sings around me. I don’t know what they’re singing but the somatic experience is pleasant enough.
Let breath be the harmony and thoughts be the melody.
Each element of VIEW manifested nicely in the first conversation with Luke. For whatever reason, I loved him.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us.
Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.”
1 John 4:18-20
It’s Monday. I’m back at the office with Katie. I tell her I went back and found him, then talked to his dad.
“He didn’t come to church,” I say, “which isn’t a surprise.”
“Do you feel good?” she asks, “How’d the podcast come out?”
“I’m going to transcribe the audio and write the story. But the story is not over, I need to find him and deliver the message that his dad gave me.”
“Yes,” she says, “you should do that.”
I didn't see Luke around, then I went on a trip to Oregon, where I wrestled a wolf-dog while on the phone with 911 trying to get an ambulance for an unconscious man. I’ll share that story another time.
Two weeks later, I’m back at my apartment, reflecting on the day I met Luke. I’d never sat down with a random homeless person and had a conversation before. It was intense.
I made myself vulnerable. I sat down with him, I was with him. I’m sure people often run away from him, like he’s a criminal, because, well, he is.
But in that moment I trusted him. And trust is the crust the love pie is baked in.
When he saw I was vulnerable, empathetic, impartial, and curious — he was an open book. Perhaps he knows love is the cure for mental illness.
He’s not all that different from me. When I was a kid I was in a bad spot. No extended family within 500 miles. I’ve felt the desertion he’s felt. The fear and godforsaken abandonment. The loathing and self-loathing and tortured nights.
If a few things went down differently, that’s me out there, sleeping outside with no phone, no wallet, waiting for my court date.
My trajectory was a few degrees off from that cold hard destination. Now I’m here. In my apartment. Standing on doug fir floors, surrounded by my plants, listening to the hum of the AC and the crackle of the stove that is hard-boiling my duck eggs. Celtic gray salt is in a ceramic bowl I made.
The difference between doug fir and cold concrete is a few people who showed me love.
Money can buy time with people who know love, but it can also buy the basics to go insane. And that’s why I didn’t take out my wallet with Luke. Instead, I gave him what I actually wanted — what he actually wanted.
A friend and I have been hunting for housing in the Boston area. A three-bed house averages $3700/month, plus utilities. We need to pay first and last, security deposit, and in the Boston area, an agent fee that is 1 month of rent. We need $15,000 cash to move into a three-bedroom house. Plus background checks, credit reports, proof of income, landlord references, personal references, and work references. Moving is anxiety-inducing, but moving with a friend makes it okay.
My advice to myself: maintain your in-person and online communities. Stay true to your homies. Keep your health, keep your true wealth.
I went downtown to see if Luke is still there and to deliver the message.
I found Crackhead Timmy.
A plane flies over us.
“Look at that,” I say.
“Is that an army plane?” he says.
“It’s Timmy, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know Luke?”
“Luke B?”
“You haven’t seen him around have you? Tan, black beard.”
“I’m just trying to get a cheap pair of shoes at Savers. Could you spare a couple bucks toward that?”
I consider it.
“Sure you don’t need money for drugs?”
“Yeah. My dad died of a drug and alcohol overdose.”
I give him a dollar.
“Do you think you have another dollar? This is the last dollar I’ll ever ask for in my life….Do you think you could do it or nah?”
I call Larry to let him know I couldn’t deliver the message. We talked for a long time. He did most of the talking. Listening to old people talk is not my favorite thing, but sometimes I do it. The full 2,200 word conversation can be read on this Google Doc.
Second Conversation with Larry (highlights)
Hey Larry, how’s it going
Hey, thanks for, you know, checking in on him. That's really very nice of you. There's good things to tell. So, he's in a rehab right now and he needs to be there, and he's doing pretty well with it. He's been there for three weeks.
Wow [I met him three and a half weeks ago]
Ya know, he hit bottom on the street, but sometimes we gotta hit bottom before we look up.
We're very hopeful for a good outcome, now that he's getting the help he needs.
That was my hope, that he would find a good rehab place, and it sounds like that's the case.
He really did slam. He hit bottom. And so I had to get him to the hospital because he was in pretty bad shape. And then from there we got him into a rehab program, and I was able to get him there. So that's where he is for at least 90 days and then we'll see where things go after that.
But, you know, just speaking as a Christian, you know, it blesses my heart to other people like you out there. So thank you for caring about him, and thank you for doing what you could to help him and everything. So, you know, I really do appreciate it.
Thank you, man. That means a lot. We were able to just sit down and just have a casual conversation. It seemed like he just really appreciated having someone to talk to for a half hour. I feel strongly about helping people in that position, because a few things in my life could have gone the other direction.
Life in America can be tough, and unfortunately to get the help we need, sometimes we have to hit rock bottom.
I absolutely agree with that. I don't know how much Lucas told you, but he struggled with addiction for years. He's been in and out of our house. We love him to pieces, but it just became... impossible for us parents to deal with his addictions. We just couldn't, and he didn't want to get help. And so it finally came down to him being on the streets, which wasn't what I wanted, but that's kind of the way it went. But he finally did call me and he said, Look, I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
We were able to get him to the hospital and get treatment for his immediate needs and then get him into a rehab. It’s the first time in years I've got serious hope that he's gonna get the help he needs, and get his life back together.
I just think both you and the woman, whoever she was, who allowed him to use her phone to call me, and stayed with them until I got there. Just another angel on the street, if you will. She was really helpful too. So there are good people out there doing, you know, the Lord's work and doing what they can to help people in need. And so good for you.
So, if I can ask you a personal question, do you work in a capacity where you're working with people on the street or do you do something else and this is just a labor of your heart?
This is a labor of my heart. I'm somewhat affiliated with a community called Recovery 2.0 which uses yoga, breathwork anc community to help people after they get sober, ya know, we still have to live our life. It helps people live a wholesome life that is, you know, beyond addiction.
Well, that's wonderful. I'm sure that when Luke's done with the program, they said they're going to be wanting to refer to some kind of continuing program.
Yeah, do you mind me asking, what happened? What was the acute situation that he found himself in, needing to go to the hospital?
Well, he had done some damage here at the house. And so got put out of the house on a restraining order, because he was drunk, and he very physical with us. And he's done that in the past. So the police were not willing to let him just live here. He had to go. So he went there with practically nothing in his pocket. So I didn't like that. Looking back on it, I think it was a God thing, because I don't think he ever would have gotten help as long as he was here and comfortable with what he needed.
So he went there. And when he called me, because there was a restraining order, he figured he would just go to jail. Because the restraining order said that if he contacted me or his mother he would go to jail, and he called me on this other woman's phone, he said, Just come and pick me up and take me to jail. When he said that, I knew. I knew he had to be really sick. Because he would never want to go to jail unless it was that bad. So I said, Look, you know, heck with a restraining order, you're my son, I love you, I'll be there. So I went and picked him up. He had been doing crystal meth. He had sores all over his body. Everywhere. Just hundreds of them.
So I took him to the hospital. They attributed the cellulitis to the addiction. So then we spent about three hours getting him into rehab, which was all the way at the other end of the state, so I drove him over there and I left him there. And right now he's in a kind of a blackout period where he's not supposed to call us because of court orders. But also we're not supposed to call him. But his caseworker tells me he's doing really good.
He just got so, I think, depressed, and he couldn't afford alcohol, which was his main problem, and he couldn't afford food or anything else.
So he…I guess, crystal meth is like free, you can get it on the street, if you know where. And then he was treating the sores with heroin. He really got himself into a serious, serious mess in very short order.
He's got a bunch of legal things to jump through. But his mom and I from the beginning have been, We're there for you, we really don't want to see you in jail. We want to see you get help. So now he’s getting help. So hopefully, since we're the victims of the assault, if we weigh in for him on his side in the court, they will suspend the jail time and just, you know, he’ll consistently stay in rehab somewhere else. And I think that'll work for all of us. So you could pray for that, if you think of it, I’d appreciate that.
Hundred percent. First I want to say thank you for doing that. And I am praying for you and him and your family. And, it's a difficult, it's a difficult road, you know, rehab and then after rehab as well, it's not easy. So feel free to give him my contact, and I can point him in the direction of some helpful resources. I think online community can be really helpful for recovery.
Well, I agree. And my wife and I do an Al-Anon meeting online, which has been really helpful. So appreciate that. Can I ask you how old are you?
I'm 26.
I thought you sounded younger. Yeah. So he's 25. So you're pretty close in age.
And I think that's why I connected with him. He actually looked like one of my college friends. And I was just like, wow, you know, I see myself in him in a way.
So I take it you've had your addiction issues from everything you've told me? Were you an alcoholic? Or were you doing other harder drugs or?
Fortunately I avoided the hard drugs and alcohol, but I had other addictions.
But yeah, moved beyond that.
Good for you, I love to hear stories of people who find freedom, who don't live in the bondage, or whatever it is that tied them up.
There is help out there. And I'm glad that Lucas is where he is, getting quality help. And I'm really glad for people like you, Chris. I really am glad you're out there.
Thanks, Larry. Yeah, I’m glad to hear people are out there to help him. This is a success story for now, in my book.
We're wise enough to know this may not be the end of the road for him but, of course, we're hoping it will be as far as the end of the road of addiction, but at least now he has some connections.
They do a real good job of making sure you plug into the community of people in recovery. So you have a support group, right from the beginning. He's not had very many friends since high school.
Yeah, he actually did mention that one of his challenges was that he didn't have any friends.
I was just at an online conference, Life Beyond Addiction, with one of my mentors, Tommy Rosen, of Recovery 2.0. I heard someone say, Addiction is a bad solution. And I think that's true. I think ultimately, we all have to live life, and there’s challenges, and we use an addiction to escape, and a lot of times it's from emotional pain.
Life is a lot better, a lot easier, you know, together, with friends. So, I try to be there for people and have conversations. And that sense of solidarity can be very powerful.
I can appreciate that. My wife and I have been going to support groups for families. Community definitely makes a big difference. Talking to people who understand it, makes a big difference, because all of our friends, that my wife and I have, are not addicts and none of them deal with addiction, so they were no help at all! It's nice to have some contacts with some people who can give us advice.
Thanks for calling me back, it’s good to get an update. I'm optimistic.
Thank you, Chris. I have a really nice evening. God bless ya.
Yeah, God bless you too.
Conclusion
I think about my role in this. I asked Luke some questions questions and made a phone call. And for that, Larry thinks I’m an “angel on the street,” which makes me smile.
I didn’t even give him a hug. And the phone call happened because Katie suggested I help him more than I did. I can’t say for sure I would have followed up with Larry, three weeks later, had I not been writing this story.
Larry is the one who drove across the state and got Luke off the streets, to a hospital, to rehab, and out of jail. If there are angels in this story, it’s Larry and the people at the rehabilitation center.
A few people asked me why I’d talk to homeless people and get involved. I don’t need a reason.
None of my Catholic friends asked me why I invited a stranger on street to hang out with us. I’m on my way to a meeting of young adult Catholics.
Nothing like a basement full of floral dresses and men who own guns.
“He gets a hug and I get a walk by?” a girl says. They hug. “It’s my biblical duty,” she says, smiling.
It’s so packed that we split into two rooms. Someone new is here—Joe. We shake hands. He drove 45 minutes to get here. For the community, he says.
“It’s hard to find something like this,” I say.
“I know,” he says, “I’ve been looking.”
Congratulations! You made it to the end.
Thanks for reading. Click the heart button or comment to let me know you made it.
And with that, have a great rest of your day.
Thank you
, and Matthew Dillon for feedback on this.What I’m listening to
What I’m Reading
Whose Job Is It To Find You A Wife? by
On Monday I met
at ’s weekly Feedback Gym.I enjoyed her essay, A Crash Course in Trust, on living in Kenya and getting robbed.
Save for Love lyrics by Suzanne Santo
Light that pipe, make it burn red
Make it hiss like the storm that's at your window
Fill up those lungs, honey
It won't be long before the moments gone
And you're dealing with your sorrow
Take what you can get
Count all of your blessings
'Cause that hurricane ahead might be never-ending
Raining hell, all in all
No one's gonna sleep through this one
There ain't no shelter, ain't no walls
That's gonna hold it all together
Save for love
Mend those busted bridges
Hold yourself accountable
Give that soul deep within you
A voice like a parable
And make room for the hateful
Seat 'em at your table
Give 'em bread for their broken hearts
And kindness if you're able
Suzanne Santo
Recomended Reading:
Thank you to paid subscribers who help make long-form independent writing financially sustainable. You can support this publication by purchasing an annual subscription for $49, or with a one-time contribution, whatever feels good.
You’re very welcome Chris. This is such a good story, and it’s not over yet. Reminds me of a story Daniele Bolelli shared from his friend Paul Bergmann and makes me think I should do more for these people who have slipped through the cracks of society. https://open.substack.com/pub/danielebolelli/p/paul-bergmann-is-a-beautiful-person?r=jkbnn&utm_medium=ios
Waiting for this 🥹