Dr. Charlatan MD

“Pull your pants down.” 

I’m at the doctor's office at a state university. I need a checkmark on a form to participate in a club sport, downhill mountain bike racing. 

“I’m good.”

“I need to check your genitals,” says the doctor. 

“Why?”

“To see if you have a hernia.” 

“I don’t have a hernia.”

“I need to check [your balls] to make sure.”

“I had four women examine them last night.” 

Silence.

“I cannot complete the physical.” 

I drop my pants to my ankles. “How’s it look?”

“I need you to cough.” 

“Is that a joke?”

“No, I need you to cough.” 

“I’m sorry you have to do this.” 

“Why do you say that?”

“You have to look at penis’s all day.”

“I love my job.” 

“I call bullshit.” 

MD stands for Majestic Dicktoucher.